After the Breakup: How Relationship and Family Breakdown Impacts Men’s Mental Health

The Emotional Earthquake of Separation

When a relationship ends—especially one involving children—the emotional shock can feel like a seismic event. Daily routines collapse, social networks fracture, and the anchor of identity drifts away. For many Australian men, the emotional fallout includes crippling grief, shame, confusion, and an overwhelming fear about the future.

Statistics from the ABS National Study of Mental Health and Wellbeing (2020–2022) reveal that 4.3 million Australians, or about 17% of the population, experienced mental illness in the past year . During this period, only 36% of men with a 12-month disorder sought professional support (vs. 51% of women) —a glaring gap given that three-quarters of suicide deaths are men .

Separation often triggers or worsens anxiety and depression. Relationships Australia reports that a drastic increase in suicidal ideation follows the end of partnerships: men facing separation experience a sharp emotional downturn with few coping tools .

Younger men feel it just as deeply. The Guardian’s HILDA analysis shows nearly 43% of Australians aged 15–24 reported psychological distress in 2021—a trend that intensifies after breakup .

Furthermore, Orygen research has identified romantic separation as the leading risk factor for male suicide, surpassing mood disorders and prior suicidal thoughts for the first time . This signals not just emotional pain, but a critical public health issue requiring urgent attention.

Unfortunately, most men lack strong emotional support networks. Male social groups are often smaller, and men are less likely to talk openly about feelings—especially in rural and regional Australian communities where silence is often seen as virtue, not risk .

The emotional cost of separation is amplified by this isolation, making self-reliance a double-edged sword. When isolation couples with emotional suppression, a downward spiral begins—feelings go unnamed, pain is internalised, and distress often reaches crisis point before help is sought.

Fatherhood in Crisis: When Dads Feel Forgotten

Post‑separation, handling fatherhood becomes an uphill battle for many Aussie dads. Meaningful contact with children can plummet from daily routines to limited visitation, court-controlled schedules, or distant exchanges. This loss doesn’t just hurt the heart—it corrodes a father’s identity.

The Australian Institute of Family Studies (AIFS) reports that 64.8% of separated dads experience a worsening of mental health—stress, anxiety, or depression—during separation . The emotional blow is compounded by the perception that courts still default to mothers as primary caregivers, often marginalising fathers—even those deeply committed to their parental role .

A study by Hub Hemez & Washington (2025) found non-custodial fathers face higher rates of depression. Those granted joint custody report better outcomes and stronger attachment to their parenting identity . Feeling excluded from your child’s life doesn’t just sting—it increases risk for serious mental health issues.

Orygen data is especially alarming: men under 34 are eight times more likely to die by suicide post-separation than married peers. Separated men increase their odds of suicide by nearly 2.8× compared to married men—especially when combined with social isolation, unemployment, or prior mental health concerns .

For many dads, the court battle is emotionally exhausting. It triggers grief over lost time, anger over perceived injustice, and guilt for not being “seen” as a parent. Children are deeply affected too: Deakin University highlights that paternal mental distress correlates with poorer emotional and cognitive outcomes in children—making support for fathers a family issue, not just an individual one .

The demand for emotional resilience—where dads are told to “stay strong” or “just do your time”—ignores the foundational role parenting plays in their identity. Without support, these men often spiral into isolation or addictive coping: alcohol, workaholism, risky behaviour—attempting to fill the void of connection and purpose.

The Legal Labyrinth and Emotional Toll

Separation often triggers legal paths through Family Courts in Australia—bureaucratic, slow-moving, and draining. Although only around 3% of separated parents use the court as their main route to parenting arrangements, those who do face enormous emotional costs .

Men describe the system as depersonalised—feeling “just a number.” The stress of filings, orders, and uncertain outcomes intensifies emotional strain. Without a supportive network, fear and shame rise. Life In Mind data shows that 7.8% of men who died by suicide were experiencing legal problems at the time . Meanwhile, Pierre Baume’s research earlier suggested nearly 70% of male suicides were linked to relationship breakdown or child custody disputes—human tragedies often overlooked in policy and narrative .

The problem compounds when separation also brings financial hardship or housing instability. Many men lose a home, pay child support, or face major lifestyle disruptions—all alongside emotional stress. Without proper mental health support, legal stress worsens the spiral: disrupted sleep, increased substance use, withdrawal, and heightened anxiety.

Separation isn’t just a relational milestone—it’s a trigger for systemic emotional collapse if not handled holistically. What’s more, mental health services rarely include legal or parenting support integrated with emotional care. Men end up navigating both courts and grief alone.

This disconnect underscores the need for integrated pathways: legal advice with mental health care; male-sensitive counselling that understands the father identity crisis; affordable emotional support during court proceedings. Until these systems speak to each other, separation will keep being both a personal crisis and a public health risk.

What How U Bean Stands For

At How U Bean, we’re not just slinging coffee—we’re brewing conversations that matter.

We know blokes are hurting, especially during separation. That’s why:

25% of profits go to organisations like Beyond Blue and Black Dog Institute

We’re pushing awareness of men’s mental health through storytelling and content

We’re creating a space where blokes can feel seen, heard, and supported

Your morning coffee can literally support a dad doing it tough. A small act that fuels a big mission.

Final Word: There’s Life After the Breakdown

To any man reading this who’s grieving a lost relationship or missing his kids:

👉 You’re not broken.

👉 You’re not a failure.

👉 You’re not alone.

You’re human. You’re learning. And there is a future—even if you can’t see it today.

Keep showing up. For your kids, for yourself, for your mates.

Because even in the ruins, you can rebuild.